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From: Neil Shearer <tiger4evaaa () gmail com>
Date: Fri, 21 Mar 2014 19:33:47 -0700

You want a slacker, not a slob!

  This summer is going to be hot (especially in the Bay Area) and it is
going to suck. You're going to be working hard and the a/c is going to
break down. The leather seats in your car burn you and there's always that
damn squeaking sound when you start it up. The heat is going to drive
people crazy and stuff happens when people get crazy. Bad stuff. What's
going to pull you through? Another run to 7-11 or Starbucks or a cold
Jamba? 'Sure, sounds good!', you think, but no, not gonna last.

  You know what will last? Knowing that because of you, your good friend is
enjoying himself. He's swimming and splashing and flirting with beautiful
women because of you! He's taking weekend backpacking trips in Big Sur &
Yellowstone with your other friends because of you! He's telling you about
how (because of your enthusiastic encouragement) he was trying new drinks
with strangers in unfamiliar places ! Your buddy's days are filled with
that calm adventure that comes from someone having his back. The meaning
you've brought to his life is immeasurable and his gratitude "doth

You want a slacker, not a slob!

  Marty Mcfly, Ferris Bueller. These guys were slackers! You know what kind
of cheap, low-grade, 'slacker'-wannabe's (no offense, next
guys-who-apply-for-this-position! Just trying to raise the bar!) are going
to be coming at you over the next few weeks? Hordes. Droves. Gaggles. Guys
and gals that are assuming you want to hear or read about their days spent
staring at the ceiling or the really long standoff between them and some
troll-camper on COD. What would Ferris say to that? He would pick that kid
up, force-feed him something about 'life, liberty, and the pursuit of
happiness', and grab the keys to his dads off-limits Ferrari and 'GO'!

  You enjoy reading. You appreciate decent grammar and easy-to-read
stories. You enjoy long walks on the beach. And you know what?! So do I!
This is why we would be friends. And as my new friends, I wouldn't only
send you some links from Reddit and a garbled blurb about my argument with
my mom (her nickname is 'Mo' by the way). I would enjoy trying to flesh-out
and put words to the stories of the week that you provided for me. Nmap
isn't the kind of community for slobs. You demand someone you can laugh
with and laugh at. Someone who will provide 'ooohs' and 'awwws' for your
entertainment. Am I willing to let democracy (you, hackers!) determine my
next move? Yes. Am I the sort of guy who sacrifices himself on the whims of
his new friends (nmap)? Yes! Will I do exactly as I'm told? Never, but, I
will promise to cater to the wants of my friends/Romans/countrymen.

  Look, the short of it is this: You work harder than most and wouldn't
trade it for anything. But, it would be kinda nice to get a bi-weekly
update about what's going on on Reddit/Imgur. You'll love hearing about the
woes and triumphs and woes of your new friend (intern? Slack-tern?
Slintern?) and his awkward, yet generally hilarious, attempts at dating.
The cost-efficient exploits I'll go on are the kind that you will look
forward to on the upcoming hot Humpday afternoons.

 You are amazing hackers that deserve (at least) a good slacker. And I am
that slacker. "Not the slacker you asked for but, the slacker you deserve"
(Overly dramatic Batman voice).

Thanks for reading,


p.s.-  I once sat at Lagunitas Brewing Company (think of an Americanized,
outdoor German Biergarten) for an entire day, 11:30am-8pm. I was drinking
nothing but excellent beer (their Pale Ale is my favorite even though I
normally enjoy IPA's) and eating only free peanuts and pretzels. That day I
succeeded in crossing something off of my bucket list: read Enders Game
(the classic Sci-Fi book by Orson Scott Card, my 3rd or 4th favorite
author) in one day. I was pitied by the waitstaff for awhile until they
realized I wasn't alone, I had my book... and I was a little weird so they
just let me be. This experience was wild and totally rocked me, I encourage
everyone to try it!

(TL;DR) - Guy slacks hard.

Guy wants to entertain you.

Guy referenced "Back to the Future" & "Ferris Buellers Day Off" & Batman.

Good Guy Greg wants to make your own dreams come true... For himself... For
your sake.
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