FC: "How the Feds Stole Christmas," by Gary Krist

[Declan McCullagh <declan () well com>]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A46699-2001Dec14.html

   How the Feds Stole Christmas
   
   By Gary Krist
   Sunday, December 16, 2001; Page B05
   
   "The federal government is the Scrooge of the season."
   -- D.C. Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton
   

   The American people liked Christmas a lot --
   
   But the Federal Government clearly did NOT!
   
   The feds hated Christmas! They did -- every one!
   
   They hated the chaos, the crowds and the fun.
   
   "It's wartime!" they cried. "We have to be wary.
   
   The prospect of Christmas is simply too scary."
   
   (For they saw in the season's delightful excesses
   
   The makings of untold security messes.)
   
   "Those tourists will come to D.C. on their jaunts
   
   And want to see all of our usual haunts.
   
   They'll fly in from places like Flint or Peru
   
   And expect to see Congress, the Archives, the Zoo.
   
   "But how to distinguish, amid all the revels,
   
   The innocent tourists from terrorist devils?
   
   We've got to be hard-nosed -- too bad if they frown!
   
   We've got to take action to lock up the town!"
   
   So those Grinches did issue an edict to close
   
   All tours of the White House to regular Joes.
   
   "No visits allowed -- not sooner, not later --
   
   For you never know who is part of al Qaeda."
   
   This order, however, was only the latest
   
   Of numerous acts to defeat those who hate us.
   
   For one Grinch named Ashcroft already had taken
   
   Draconian steps that left liberals shaken.
   
   "It's crucial," said he, "to adopt zealous measures
   
   In order to safeguard our national treasures."

   [...]



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